I need help.

I know, the one thing in life I hate asking for above all else, and I give a blog the title.

I need to get a manuscript of Boneteller done by June. If I manage that, I can get a free printing of it.

Problem is, I recently restarted the book. Can I write a book in 6 months? Yes, I think I can. Yes, I know I was nearly done with it in the last version, but it just wasn't going where I wanted it to. I had reverted to my usual tell, tell, tell writing style. Very little 'showing' at all, when that is really what this book requires. Boneteller is a scientifically based book. It exists on the theory of evolution, thrives on history, lives on mans' curiosity. It requires explaining. Not to mention just average description, which I've always had a bad habit of leaving out.

It has also evolved into a bit of a mystery too. The last version gave the whole book away in the prologue. For V3, I've cut that out completely. The story the prologue originally told will be revealed slowly, reaching its conclusion with the rest of the book's climax.

I have the whole plot of the book worked out. I have how it will be told worked out. I have things moving backwards and forwards, have snippets from all over written, have the characters running rampant in my head, even more frustrated than me at my lack of ability to put them on paper.

I've basically written the middle of the book. I've written pieces of the end, and know the conclusion.

The problem is, I can't start it.

I've never had problems starting a book. That's practically all I ever do. I start books without thinking out a plot, and then when I reach the point where the introduction is finished and I actually need something happening, I stop writing it. Eventually every started story does get a middle and end, after myriad rewrites, but the point is, I never have problems with beginnings.

Boneteller, unlike my Silvath books, unlike Sanni's stories, and unlike however many other stories I've written, is the one I want to get published one day. I want to get it perfect. I study and study and study. I go physically to digs, I go to museums, I talk to paleontologists; most of all, I read and read and read. But I still feel inferior, and its holding me back. Even with my experience, I don't really know what I'm writing about. Not to the extent I'd like to.

I think it's because I've studied the subject, amazingly, too much. I know so much about it, but also know I'll never quite be in it and it's making me reluctant to work on it. But I need to write Boneteller. I've written the start twice, both with minor yet big changes, and have had no problem with it.

Third time's the charm, but I can't get going on it. Ugh.

I'm wondering if maybe my problem is that I'm not changing the beginning from how it's been in the past. But I love that beginning, and am reluctant to pull away from it, not to mention it means thinking even more about the book. But the slight edits I've made to the usual beginnings this time around just aren't working. I can't get past the second page, past Dave's comment. Things were working out so nicely until I got to it. >.<

Dumb Dave, he does have a habit of ruining things.

Bu-ut yeah.... since I'm not actually posting any of the book, I don't think this rant is going to get me anywhere. xD Just needed to complain about it somewhere...

So, uh, yeah, done.

/an agitated Sparrow